Friday, 26 February 2010

Some more Mozart's Girl...

I'm so thrilled & touched that my blog-friend Blair has passed this Kreativ Blogger award on to me! I find these awards quite difficult, as I always want to pass them on to people who already have them! So if I don't pass this one on to you, please be assured that it's not because I don't think you deserve it....just that I'm trying to spread the love around a bit in this beloved blog-world of ours! But my recipients are very special to me & I'm so glad to be able to recognise them in this way!

First, I have to reveal 7 things about myself that you probably don't know.....this actually kept me awake last night,as I was trying to think of suitable confidences that would also hopefully be interesting! It turned out to be 8! Here goes...

1. Although I've been to Austria (mainly Salzburg!) nearly 30 times, I'm very ashamed to say that I hardly speak any German at all - something I hope to correct this year! But I can speak quite good French, Spanish & Italian so I am not too bad a Citizen of Europe!

2. I have a totally irrational fear of men in monkey suits! I adore real primates, no trouble with them at all. But fake gorillas make me freak out & I even find it difficult to watch Planet of the Apes! I totally embarrassed myself once, while I was cheffing at my first restaurant job when a 'kissogram' gorilla decided it would be funny to take a detour through the kitchen! Let's just say that they had to remove the kitchen knives from my view!

3. I had a minor heart attack just over 3 years ago. I have an inherited heart disease (Familial Hypercholesterolaemia to be exact!) and my Dad had a much more serious coronary at 39 too (but he's now 73 & fine!) so it was always on the cards really. I look on it as a weird sort of blessing, as it made me take my health much more seriously & get myself checked regularly. I wouldn't recommend it though, as a wake up call!!

4. For over 12 years now, I've been a nude model for a life-drawing class. I was absolutely terrified the first time I walked out & dropped my gown! But when I realised that I was no more to the students than a curvy bowl of fruit, I lost the fear. It's still a bit bizarre if I think about it too much, but I really love doing it  and helping people create beautiful works of art!

5. I have been married before, very disastrously & very young! I don't regret it at all, because I wouldn't be where & who I am now without that experience. But I went through many dark times and it's made me feel even more lucky & grateful that Paul & I found each other. To paraphrase a line from one of my favourite movies 'Shadowlands' - "the pain then is part of the happiness now"

6. I cannot stand beer in any form, it is just disgusting to me. I mainly drink very dry white wine, but I enjoy a gin & tonic sometimes and I LOVE a good cocktail (not the creamy ones, yuck!) preferably an icy Margarita with a salty rim to the glass...I don't drink alcohol during the week though, except on holiday!

7. I - in common with my darling sister Esther - am seriously affected by good movies. So much so that I take some of my mannerisms from movie characters & even imagine I am them in certain circumstances! For instance, I always peel my oranges like Meryl Streep does in 'Falling in Love' & when I saw Atonement (the first time....) I was so upset by it that I couldn't bear anyone to talk to me for about 2 hours as I felt so raw! Paul & I adore 'Brief Encounter' too and often use quotes from it in our real life...he will often say 'have it your own way, old girl' when I'm sure I'm right about something, for example....weird? Probably - but I think that's what the movies were made for!

8. Not being able to have children (so far....but I'm 43 now so...) is the greatest tragedy of my life and I'll never really get over it I know. I have to grit my teeth when people I don't know assume I'm a career woman who didn't want them. I never,ever thought that I would be in this position. BUT - I love my life, I try never to live with regret or bitterness as I believe it eats away at you, and I am so lucky to have love in all it's forms around me. I am also able to do many things that having children would have made difficult - travelling, going out to dinner or a movie on a whim, no babysitter to arrange. And we have Alice and I am so blessed to have a niece and nephews who are as near to mine as anything can be, and sisters generous enough to share their children's lives with me in every way. But no one will ever call me Mummy, and I have to somehow come to terms with that.

So there you have it! More of me than you had before - I've tried to hit a balance between serious & light and hope I've succeeded!

And the recipients of my Kreativ Blogger Award are wonderful writers who cheer my day and make me think in a different way....always a good thing!

Ce from Half Sweet Half Salty
Morwenna from Bluebells & Butterflies
Silke from Metamorphosis
Marta from m.writes
Guillaume from Vraie Fiction
&
Jaz from October Farm

Have a wonderful & happy weekend everyone! xox

8 comments:

  1. Hello, sweet Rachel,

    Thank you so very much for being so candid & raw and sharing all of these beautiful things about you (the image of you with the kitchen knife, in a chef’s hat;) and the man in the gorilla suit had me laughing out loud;)). I, too, am so touched by good movies and books, I find myself thinking of them for days, and I also get slightly sad & depressed when I finish a good book or movie because I feel like I don’t know what to do with myself afterwards;). But it sounds like you’ve found your perfect match in dear Paul, that’s so wonderful.

    As for #8, I am so very sorry for your pain. I know that no one can know exactly what you feel like and I won’t even begin to try. We have been trying for children for quite some time now. There are some days when I just want to lay and cry and feel sad for myself because I want it, and have always wanted it, so badly. I know I have time and options and feel so fortunate for that, but I just never thought it would be this difficult. Like you, I feel so blessed to have such an amazing husband, family and dog. I think that’s so important and I’m so glad that you’re surrounded by love. If I was there, I’d give you a big hug right now.
    Thank you again for being so honest in this; it’s so lovely to know you and learn more about you. I am forever amazed at the friendships that are being made in this blogworld.

    xoxo,
    Blair

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  2. Dearest Rachel,
    I want to thank you for sharing these very personal things about you. I didn't know #8, and am very sorry to hear it. It's hard not to be bitter about that, or about losing a baby, when you see so many women who accidently get pregnant or don't enjoy being a mother at all. But, like you said, it's so much better to be grateful for what you DO have. I told Ramon once, long ago, that if it turns out that we weren't meant to have children, we would live like Sue and Joe, and travel alot, and just enjoy life in a different, but very fun, manner. So I hope you and Paul (and Alice, too, naturally!) enjoy many happy years, and that that which is lacking in your lives is made up for hundred fold with many other wonderful things.
    As far as being affected by movies goes, I was a wreck after watching the latest King Kong. It disturbed me for days afterwards and gave me nightmares. It literally broke my heart and made me sick the way that poor creature was treated! There was also a documentary shown in my highschool about dolphins being killed during tuna fishing, and I was totally traumatised by it.
    Ramon and I quote from our favorite tv shows, Friends and King Of Queens, all the time! It's so much a part of our language that it's hard to remember sometimes if it came from a show or not. I've even said sometimes, 'Oh, I wish I could hang out with Phoebe, or Doug....' and Ramon says, 'Those are tv characters!!!' It's silly, I know!
    I hope your heart is strong now, and that it won't harm you again.
    We want you around for a long, long time!!!
    Love, Dawn

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  3. Thank you for sharing those things about yourself- you are quite an amazing person!
    So glad to have found you on here♥

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  4. Hello my sweet friend....so happy to come here and visit you today and then i find all of this....enjoyed reading it so much....i too was never able to have children...and was so devestated...i am such a mom kind of person....love to be home and cook and bake and make a house a cozy home...but never had children..and at 52...that's it for me...but what I do have is a 29 year marriage to a saint of a guy, my john..and my pets...my sweet buddy who IS my child....and all my kittys.i am such a homebody...even when i am gone..i am homesick most of the time.....

    so much fun getting to know you more and more...blogland has given me such amazing friendships..more than i could ever have imagined...and lucky me..i found you too...

    sending love,
    kary and buddy

    and hugs to sweet alice
    xxxx

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  5. Dearest Rachel,
    Thank you for your award, so much. Your revealing answers were beautiful, funny and heartbreaking. I could never be as articulate as you. You truly are an amazing person, and the more you reveal, the more I see how wonderful and brave you are.

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  6. Thanks for giving me the award, I am deeply honored. I will try to write seven things about me I have not blogged about before, but that might be difficult. Shame you can't stand beer in any form, as I am an amateur of real ales. I guess we can't have all the same tastes (Mozart, Cate Blanchett, Some Like It Hot, that's already a lot). As for children, I feel for you. I hope to have some myself one day. Currently, I make the best of the ones I know and love, the children of my friends and family.

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  7. Dearest Rachel,
    Thank you so much for my award and for sharing so much of yourself with us. Your accounts are so funny, sweet, honest, heartwarming and heartbreaking. I feel extremely privileged to know you a little bit more now. I hope that I can do you justice with my 7 things which I hope to post this week
    Love Morwenna xoxo

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  8. Oh, Rachel, thank you so much for this award! I feel so very honored!! When our house guest is gone, I look forward to reading all your recent posts in detail and get caught up!! Love, Silke

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